soulthatwanders | [for Bruce]

She didn't say it, but Wanda was definitely thinking it. Boy, was she ever thinking it.

So don't.

She wasn't being fair and she knew it, so she held her tongue and just watched him carefully. If she should have to deal with all kinds of surprise revelations about feelings she'd apparently developed on the sly, then he should get the same crappy chance, too.

"Wh- what do you mean?" she asked, her voice softer than usual.

"I - I don't know," he replies, shaking his head. "I don't even think I really have a solid explanation. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it all. What happened - a few months ago, I never would've even thought - let alone attempted to - "

He pauses, breaking off to rake fingers through his hair, leaving it more mussed than before. "I'm positive I'm not making any sense right now."

"Not really," Wanda replied with a smirk, but it was pretty much a lie. She was fairly sure she understood exactly where he was coming from, the only difference being that she seemed perpetually stuck in that nebulous 'a few months ago' place. "But that's okay."

"I just had never been able to convince myself that it was anything resembling safe for me to - get that close to someone," he finally adds, uttering the words slowly and evenly. "My track record in that area was less than ideal."

He pushes away from the counter as he's speaking, his voice hushed. "I touched you and it was like - something finally clicked into place."

Outwardly, she didn't react beyond mouthing a silent oh at his words. It was just a stupid New Year's kiss, why did it have to be more than that?

More importantly, why couldn't she manage to convince herself that the twisting feeling in her chest when she heard him say that was just that old familiar panic instead of the sheer want that it so clearly was?

"Well... I'm fine, so... you're safe and sound," she finally said with a smile and a half-hearted shrug.

"Listen to me," Bruce says, a little more insistently. He doesn't make any sudden movements, doesn't go to impress his point further beyond raising his voice beyond a quiet murmur, but he doesn't want this glossed over. Whatever this is, it's more important than a surface rendering.

"I've never been able to get that close to someone without being a danger to them. Whatever this is - it means something, even if there's no logical explanation for it all." Maybe it has to do with his acceptance of his other half, his coming to terms with the monster that rages deep down. Maybe it's the fact that when he looks in her eyes, he doesn't see the hint of fear that most try to hide and think they can.

"It- it's just this place," Wanda said, shaking her head slowly, still smiling but unwilling to acknowledge that she'd done anything special here. It was just a kiss. A significant one for him, granted. A... really good one, okay, she could grant that, too. But that was all. "It's a... different life here, you can get close to whoever you want to."

"Maybe it is this place. Given what's happened these last couple of months, that knowledge wouldn't surprise me. But I wasn't the only one there in that moment, Wanda," he says, glancing at her warily.

"I wasn't the only one who felt - something. Was I." The last two words dangle in the air, not as a question but a plea for her to affirm the way he'd felt her respond that night, heard his name on her lips.

Her smile slipping, Wanda froze for a second. It would be so easy to just lie, to find a way to let him down easy and move on with her life. Preferably with him still in it, but sacrifices might have had to be made. She couldn't do it, though. She spent a pretty significant portion of her day-to-day life lying to herself about one thing or another, and when asked so directly, she just couldn't bring herself to lie about this. She shook her head, just the tiniest of motions.

"No."

Edited 2013-01-08 06:01 (UTC)

He isn't looking at her too expectantly, but there's something resembling hope in his gaze. He might get things wrong from time to time but he really doesn't think there's any way he'd misinterpreted the situation, not when his senses hadn't been dulled by too much to drink.

"Alright, then," he says, releasing a breath he isn't even aware he'd been holding in. Not that he has any idea where to go about it from here, but it's something just to know.

"Alright, then," she quietly echoed, trying to convince herself that this was a good thing. The elephant in the room had been addressed, now they could begin the tricky task of working around it. Being honest about these things for once in her life, though, apparently came as a bigger relief than she'd thought it could be, because the next thing out of her mouth was instead a sharp huff of something like disbelief and another confession. "I haven't been able to get you out of my head."

He's not sure what kind of follow-up he should be doing here. Beyond the initial revelation that what he'd experienced that night had, in fact, been mutual, he doesn't have a damn clue about where to go next. Turns out he doesn't have to think very long and hard about it, glancing up from his feet in surprise when she speaks again.

"Sorry about that," he says, mouth twitching in a self-disparaging tone. "Probably can't be all that exciting."

"It's... all the excitement I've needed, believe me," Wanda said with a slightly incredulous chuckle. She had obviously lost her damn mind, that was the only possible explanation as to why it could ever have seemed like a worthwhile idea to say something like that. "No apologies necessary."

"What, you? Death and everything after that? I would think it pales in comparison," Bruce quips, idly rubbing a fingertip against his temple.

"You should know you're not the only one who's been having - trouble. Not thinking."

She wanted to ask him why the hell she should possibly want to know a thing like that, but she kept quiet on the subject. The worst part remained, of course, how much it did please her to hear it.

"Most things pale in comparison to all that, it's... not a bad thing."

"You're probably right," he agrees, pausing for a second to look over at her. There's a sigh that slips out somewhere in the interim, but it's more of a long breath, and his expression is tinged with a slight helplessness when he finally speaks up again.

"What do you think - what do you want to do?"

"Oh, all sorts of things," Wanda replied without thinking about it, flashing him a rather deliberate, pointed look as she did so. It had been a long week, and she'd had a lot to think about. "But this- this," she finally went on after a pause, gesturing between them, "isn't really something I can... pursue."

He understands, ultimately, why it might not be the best idea for him to pursue this in the long run, but it's that answer coming from her that gives him pause as he blinks over at her.

"You said it yourself, it is a different life here. But - if I asked you why, would you tell me?"

Wanda seemed to think about that for a second, but there was never really any consideration to be done. "Yeah, yes, of course," she said in a rush, shaking her head as if shaking off a distraction. "It's something I probably should have mentioned a while back anyway, I just... didn't really anticipate this either, you know? And it's not like it's some big secret or anything, it's just that I-" She hesitated, struggling to find a way to explain that wouldn't present this all as some ridiculous, awkward bombshell.

"You know, maybe it's better if I show you. Come for a walk with me?"

His brow furrows in thought, a million more questions springing up to the forefront of his mind when she answers. He's about to start heading towards the door when he remembers his state of dress - or half-dress, that is.

"Just - give me a second," he replies, holding up a hand as if to wordlessly plea with her to stick around before he disappears through the sliding door into the bedroom to rummage around for a clean shirt, stripping off his sweaty one in the process.

Wanda nodded, watching him go (she really needed to stop that) and letting out a long exhale once she was in the clear. That was the hard part, right? She was in the home stretch now, and this relationship was completely salvageable, everyone would win?

Right.

Downing half of her glass of water in one go since her mouth had gone incredibly dry somewhere along the line, she set it down and scrubbed her hands briefly over her face. This was fine. Completely fine.

It isn't as though he has time to shower, but he's been in worse states before. In the end, he settles for giving himself another quick toweling off and then pulls on a clean shirt, raking his fingers through his hair in an attempt to comb somehow.

When he re-emerges, doing up the last buttons, he looks up at her, expectant and with a small twist of his mouth. "Ready when you are."

Wanda's smile was automatic, easy in spite of her tension, and that was at least one small bit of relief she could hang on to. "Great," she said as she made her way to the door, downright eager to get this over with now that they were so far into it. "Don't worry, this shouldn't take long."

"I don't know if I should be relieved or worried to hear it," Bruce mutters, following her at a respectable distance despite the momentary urge that overwhelms him to find a way to get nearer to her, to pull her in close and breathe in the scent of her hair again.

"You're not taking me out into the jungle to kill me, are you?"

Wanda laughed, tipping her back a bit with it now that she was starting to reapproach something resembling being relaxed around him. "No, but don't think I'm not taking it off the table entirely."

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